Phil Mause has dysfunctional childhood and adolescence. His
parents couldn't afford to buy him a laptop and, worse yet, had no
computer or internet access in the house. Nor did they see fit to get him a cell-phone - admittedly a defensible decision given the lack of coverage in his deprived neighborhood. Their only investment in the future was a nuclear fall-out shelter where the family hid for hours after every air raid siren (and after every noon lunch siren - since the two sirens sounded exactly the same). It was while huddling and shivering in the fall-out shelter that Phil began to develop that unique combination of determination, egomania, and schizophrenia that is essential to a career in standup comedy. It hasn't been an easy road for Phil. He has painstakingly developed a comic persona which involves an uncanny impersonation of a forgetful and clueless senior citizen. Starting at age 17, Phil resolutely struggled to make this impersonation believable - unfortunately, it was only after 43 years of failure that the bit finally began to "click" as Phil
reached his 60's. In recent months, his senior citizen bit has finally begun to resonate with audiences as truly believable.

A recently released transcript from a deposition of a Republican Senator under investigation reveals Phil's keen legal acumen and aggressive advocacy.

Phil Mause: " Senator xxx, is it true that, while you were traveling
with President Bush in Pakistan, you had sexual relationships with goats??"

Senator xxx: "Goats?"

Phil Mause:"Let me rephrase that question - is it true that while you were traveling with the President in Pakistan that you had a sexual relationship with one or more goats?"

Senator xxx: "Hmmm. What do you mean by a sexual relationship?"

Phil Mause:"I am going to use the definition Judge Starr used in the Clinton deposition, as modified by recent judicial decisions and as explicated in more detail in three recent Harvard Law Review articles:

"A sexual relationship occurs when a group of one or more individuals engage in conduct (including, but not limited to, verbal conduct) which, in the mind of at least one member of the group (not necessarily the one performing the conduct) is designed to or is likely to  or actually does result in actual sexual arousal of at least one individual (not necessarily a member of the group) and/or results in, consists of or suggests the propriety of contact between any part of one individual's body and a sexual organ, orifice, or sexually sensitive part of either that individual's body or another individual's body in such a way as to constitute, simulate, suggest or serve as a precursor to either an actual sex act, sexual arousal, or other conduct of a sexual nature generally proscribed by state, local or federal laws or regulations. In addtion, a sexual relationship can also exist if conduct, or an absence of conduct, not fitting the above definition, occurs which, by community standards of the community in which the conduct occurs or any community in which one or more of the participants to the conduct reside, are citizens, vote, hold bank accounts, are licensed to drive, fish, practice law, medicine, chiropractor, or palmistry, or take vacations, would generally be considered to constitute a sexual relationship."

Senator xxx: "Is the goat's tata considered to be an 'orifice'?"

Phil Mause: "Why don't you just tell us whether it was a male goat or a female goat?"

Senator xxx."A female goat of course. What kind of a man do you think I am?"

Phil has two grown children who have aggressively supported his efforts to break into the New York comedy scene - largely because they live in Washington and are embarrassed by his continued presence in the District of Columbia.

Phil Mause was born in Brooklyn in 1944, grew up in Long Beach, New York, attended Harvard Law School, and is a partner in the Washington, D.C., office of a national law firm. He has been doing standup comedy since 2004 and appears frequently in New York and Washington. He has appeared at:

The Broadway Comedy Club; The New Yrok Improv; The DC Improv; The Baltimore Comedy Factory; The Bethesda Hyatt; Topaz Hotel and the Riot Act Comedy Club.

Contact info:

Philip J. Mause
Mausepj@dbr.com.   202-842-8819 (office)
202-966-6508 (home) 202-271-4986 (cell)